It's very hot in Madrid during the summer. No one told me this, or rather, I never researched this before choosing a return flight for mid-August.

This is not your average 80+ degree days. The temperatures have rarely dipped below 100 F the past three weeks and the heat is of the dry variety - you don't realize you're dehydrated until your urine turns a disconcerting golden yellow/brown.

Spain being Spain, buildings are very old, therefore often lack the ability to hold central cooling. Most windows open outwards, not upwards, prohibiting the use of AC window units. Heat swelters in apartments, and CashConverters fans serve no purpose other than pushing around said hot air, so you're stuck.

There are few solutions, and I've tried them all. Drinking caña after caña in Malasaña or Lavapies helps somewhat, but as soon as that cheap-as-hell San Miguel is in your system, it's sweated out again. It also results in getting accidentally drunk, which has happened to me more than I care to admit. The municipal swimming pool at the Canal stop is a decent place to cool down, plus it's totally kosher to go topless. The downside are bare-chested pre-teens and octogenarians, who make up about 80% of the bathers. Count me out.

The only other solution is to travel somewhere coastal, which myself and two friends did last weekend. We headed back to Lisbon, which is even more enjoyable during the summer - the way the sea breeze rips through Bairro Alto at night is intoxicating and the street drinking is just a little more frenzied (.5 L of beer for €1.10 is stealing in my book). Not to mention, it was about 30 degrees cooler in Lisbon than Madrid - for once in my life, 80 degrees felt refreshing.

Unlike last time, we travelled further out of Lisbon to the nearby beach town of Sintra. Surfing - or attempting to surf after three years out of the water - was something I missed dearly. We packed a picnic consisting of jamón, sausage, Portuguese cheeses, champagne, cherries, campesino-flavored chips and much more. Watching the sun set over the castle ruins seemed almost too good to be true, and it was, because we had to return to Madrid's scorching bullshit.

 I'm headed to Barcelona two weekends from now, so I have no reason to complain. I'd just really like some quality BTUs blasting in my face as I type this.